Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Dec 14, 2012
India
Dec 14, 2012
O ur lives and lifestyles have, to a large extent, become fast paced. Ironically, the ‘I am busy’, ‘Call me later’ phenomenon seems to give us little or no time to share with those closest and dearest to us. Until, sadly, it is too late. It is then that we regret, and wish that we can turn the clock back.
One can understand that, at the outset, one has financial obligations to meet, which invariably means that both parents have to work together in bringing up the children. The grandparents, if they are healthy and able, become the primary baby sitters for their grandchildren, and a vital bond is created. When there are generations living in one household, it helps in the bridging of the gap between generations. However, in many instances the elderly parents are not that healthy or mobile – and worse, many children just forsake their parents today. Being associated with the medical care of the senior citizens, I experience great pain when I receive phone calls from many young persons who want to place their father or mother in old age homes, even when they can very well support them. I see the deep need of people to be reconciled with their parents. Blaming parents keeps us hooked, and gets in the way of constructive living. Our parents are, for good or for ill, within us. We have to reach reconciliation. If we do not, we will go on tearing ourselves apart.
Children have a threefold obligation—of love, reverence, and obedience—towards their parents. Love and reverence are in force during the parents’ lifetimes; obedience ceases when the children pass from under the parental authority. The Fourth Commandment (Bible), “Honor thy father and thy mother” is universally interpreted to mean not only respect and submission, but also the manifestation of affection that parents deserve at the hands of their children. Those children who habitually exhibit a heartless demeanour, or who fail to provide succour to the parents—either bodily or emotionally—are guilty of grievous sin. The inward sentiment of affection must be deep-seated.
The home plays a central role in the transmission of values. Children take part in the daily worship, and learn social graces – such as the procedure for properly receiving guests. As the children grow, not all retain the same religious sentiment as their parents; many actively research their roots, and try to understand their religious heritage. Unfortunately, in modern societies more attention is given to the development of the body than the mind. The children in modern societies are constantly subjected to negative samskaras of violence – perpetuated by television and family conflicts. The best time to implant good samskaras is when the person is still young, and the negative samskaras have not yet born any bitter fruit. I am personally indebted to my parents for the samskaras they instilled in me, for holding elders in high regard – touching their feet, representing truly the Hindu ethos. As a result of such samskaras, I never had difficulty understanding the mind of my father – but for a brief altercation on the sharing of books, (as he too was a very avid reader and writer)! I have tried to be a dutiful son to him.
In the Muslim religion too great thrust is attached to the duty of children towards their parents. In this context, The Prophet said: “For the young man who will honor an old man because of his age, Allah will appoint men who will honor him in his old age.”
A very beautiful prayer to Allah runs like this: “Let us pray to God that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility – regardless of the power, position, wealth and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen.”
It is not enough that we only pray for our parents; we should act with limitless compassion, remembering that when we were children they preferred us to themselves.
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail helpless did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents...” (Quran: Chapter 31:verse14)
The gratitude to God and to parents goes hand in hand. It can therefore be said that being grateful to ones’ parents also earns heavenly rewards. Mothers are particularly honoured. Someone went to the Prophet and asked him, “Who has the first priority to be well treated?” Prophet Mohammed answered “your mother”; the person asked, “then who?” – the Prophet answered,”your mother”. Asked again, “then who?”, He Answered “your mother”. Asked “then who?” the Prophet (finally) answered “your father”.
When parents reach old age they are to be treated mercifully, with kindness and selflessness. Serving one’s parents is a duty second to prayer, and it is their right to expect it. It is considered unforgiving to express any irritation on them, when, through no fault of their own, they get old.
There is a short verse from the Holy Quran which I think sums up very appropriately the position of the elderly within a family structure:
“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, do not say ‘uff’ to them or chide them, but speak to them in terms of honor and kindness. Treat them with humility, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them, for they did care for me when I was little.” (Quran 17:23-4).
Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 20 years.
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