Reciprocally Fair

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Dec 20, 2013

   Life means birth and death, youth and ageing, meeting and parting. A life that we can be happy to live is not one in which we are constantly trying to ‘live out’ only one half of these pairings – for the one implies the other. Despite this knowledge, we try and isolate ourselves from the elders when we are young; in exchange we get the same treatment when we grow old. There is reciprocity in human relations. Reciprocity means some agreement on equivalent service exchange; it involves an understanding of what one ought to receive in exchange for what one gives. In an inter-generational exchange, each generation may give at different times, according to need; parents may ‘give’ to their young children and, in later years, receive help from their adult children. However, reciprocity may also be unequal. 

The social exchange perspective attempts to account for exchange behaviour between individuals of different ages as a result of the shift in roles, skills and resources that accompany ageing. Social exchange is composed of some basic assumptions. A central assumption is that the social exchange framework is composed of various actors (such as parent and child or elders and youth), each of whom bring resources to the interaction or exchange; and the resources need not be material and will most likely be unequal. Another assumption is that the actors will only continue to engage in exchanges, as long as the benefits are greater than the costs, and while there are no better alternatives. It is assumed that exchanges are governed by norms of reciprocity; when we give something we trust that something of equal value will be received. A concern in viewing social support from this theoretical perspective is that a hierarchical relationship is implied. In this scenario, equality is lost, and one will have more power or more resources. Because our increasingly westernized society tends to give negative attributions to ageing, it is not a surprise that the elders are seen as a burden. There has been a drastic change in the flow of ‘services’ between adult children and their aged parents. Due to economic transitions from an agricultural economy to an individual and service economy characterized by urbanization, the preponderance of the nuclear family and geographic mobility, there has been an erosion of the traditional norms of family obligation and reciprocity. Modernization has given rise to the loss of control over resources, and thereby prestige, by older persons. This has had the effect of lowering the likelihood and extent of support that parents can expect from their children. 

When looked at from the beginning of time, changes in our life are called development; when viewed from the perspective of the ending, they are called ageing. The concept of spirituality, as being an inter-subjective elevation of the biological, leading a person beyond self-centeredness into solidarity with others, when applied to old age people, suggests a spirituality of various human worlds. This thinking enables us to take each other seriously in whatsoever state or condition we may be, and prevents us from looking upon any member of the human family as worthless or as a human deviant. Therefore, understanding old age infirmity and disability does not require compassion, let alone pity, but it does demand that one should be able to enter into a world very different from one’s own. One must learn to see the way the other worlds look from within the world that one has entered. Another approach would be by means of denunciation; yet another might be to heighten the awareness of one’s senses through the temporary elimination of one sense, or feeling the non-functioning of some parts of the body, in old age. The easiest sense to suspend is sight, which may be due to ‘zero vision’, because of the onset of serious ophthalmic complications in old age – though the experience of being forbidden to speak for a day or spending a day in a wheelchair can be just as ‘enlightening’. For social and economic reasons, the elderly must also live in the greater world, which should be made more enriched and fulfilling with support from the youngsters; this can be achieved most successfully if the adaptation to the larger society springs not from a sense of deficiency and loss, but from the realization of the intrinsic character of the world in which one lives.

Disability or chronic illness may occur in the later stage of our life. Our life expectancies have increased by more than 30 years during the past century. The older population is expected to double by 2050, due to technological advances and our ability to survive disease, chronic illness and disability. The elderly constitute a vast untapped resource of skills and wisdom. Some advocacy groups, espousing the rights of residents of assisted-living facilities, have started to come up. Rehabilitation counsellors are now involved in all the aspects of the lives of ‘disabled’ older persons – from providing physical help to mental peace. Ageing individuals have the potential for continual development and the pursuit of self-actualization. One way to reach this potential is to incorporate and practise spirituality in one’s life. This can help one to transcend the obstacles and negativity often associated with ageing and disability. Each of the elderly should identify a model of successful adaptation, which would not only help them cope with their constraints but also bring out their potential. 

A large majority of people believes in spirituality. This can provide a source of empowerment for the elderly. Having a foundation of faith can also assist them in assigning meaning to life – in living a life with purpose. Spirituality is a powerful tool and can be used at any time to draw positive energy from. Modern society has valued intellect and physique, and reduced its attention on spirituality and emotionality. When we conceive of our self as nothing more than mind and body, and one or both of these has been challenged irreparably in our old age, it does not leave us with very much that is stable and intact. The balance does change, however, when credence is given to the spirit, which seems to be impervious to the onslaughts of age. 

The lessons in showing warmth and care for the elderly in the family should begin in childhood itself. This sapling of love, care and regard for the elderly, sown in the impressionable period, will blossom into much better fruit when we will grow old. An inter-generational reciprocity, to which we all need to be sensitized, will lead to inter-generational solidarity, and will lead to happiness and contentment in families - and will offer a more closely woven and caring society. 

Senior citizens, after reaching 60 years of age, experience less continuity in life, more dissatisfaction, more social isolation, neglect, loss of self worth; these feelings are more commonly found among senior citizens living alone or without a family.

Spiritual intelligence is the most essential to our well-being. It is concerned with the inner life of mind and spirit and its relationship to being in the world. It implies a capacity for a deep understanding of existential questions and an insight into multiple levels of consciousness. It is more than individual mental ability. In addition to self-awareness, it implies awareness of our relationship to the transcendent, to each other, to the earth and all beings. Spiritual intelligence opens the heart, illuminates the mind, and inspires the soul, connecting the individual human psyche to the underlying ground of being. It can be developed with practice and can help a person to distinguish reality from illusion. It may be expressed in any culture as love, wisdom and service. It is related to emotional intelligence, in so far as spiritual practice includes developing intrapersonal and interpersonal sensitivity. Spiritual intelligence is the ability to act with wisdom and compassion, while maintaining inner and outer peace, regardless of the circumstances. 

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 25 years. He can be contacted at rabhola@yahoo.com