Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Dec 27, 2013
India
Dec 27, 2013
We
fear our feelings; we fear their destructive potential. Many people go
through life trying to protect others from their feelings, which they
have never learned to handle safely. The commonest reason for their
seemingly unassertive behaviour is a suppressed hatred or anger. The
person fears that, by being assertive, a great torrent of invective may
escape him and cause untold harm. The wind that can whip the fire into a
destructive inferno is the wind of hate. This may also be referred to
as ego. In common parlance ego is something that gets in the way of a
natural, healthy psychological functioning. In spiritual terms, a
strength of character corresponds to the absence of ego. When ego is
awake we close our minds to some of the feelings that are constantly
bubbling up and also some of the information provided by our external
reality. We get into a not-seeing mode and it closes part of us down;
its effect is that we keep the painful parts of our life out of view -
and resultantly out of our control. However, despite what we know is
inside us, we want to stay calm. It is seen as a kind of kindness to
others. But there is a better way. We have to train our character to
retain the fire and the feelings, but have them under control. Then,
though self-control, we can even exude confidence.
Often
many senior citizens as well as parents of ‘special children’ say that
they are out of touch with their feelings. Our feelings arise from an
exposure to particular stimuli; a person who is out of touch with his
feelings is probably not facing their affliction and impact either. What
comes up in us is largely a series of conditioned responses; it is not a
matter of ‘looking for feelings’. It becomes the role of the therapists
or the counsellors to re-present to patients the hard reality, by
amplifying the stimulus and helping reduce the distance with the reality
of their lives. The most dangerous emotions that afflict people at a big level are hate, hatred and scorn. If
these emotions are seen at a larger level, the haters have caused
severe damage to progressive energy, since the dawn of human existence.
The spirit of hate is such a powerful emotion that it can possess any
unsuspecting victim at a moment’s notice. Hate is also defined as envy. Haters keep the jails, hospitals and morgues full.
The spirit of hate can attack one at various stages. The only way one
can escape it is to rebuke it, otherwise it will leave you unproductive
and miserable. Hate is an odious, malevolent malady; it is real venom. Once
it infects the heart, nothing in our neighbour any longer pleases us.
If he walks, his gait is felt as proud and haughty; if he laughs, he is
derisive; if he weeps, he is hypocritical; if he looks grave, he is
insolent. Every fault swells in magnitude, and every virtue shrinks into
littleness.
There
is no faculty of the human soul as persistent and universal as hatred.
There are hatreds of race and sect, and social and personal hatreds. If thoughts of hatred were thunder and lightning, there would be a storm over the whole earth all the year round.
Hatred means an intense aversion or active hostility, which is
expressed as a settled opposition to a person or thing. Hatred is that
fretted and irritable state of mind that keeps a man in perpetual
animosity; which inclines him to harsh and uncharitable opinions of men
and things; which makes him sour, crabbed, and repulsive in his general
demeanor; which brings a scowl over his face and infuses venom into his
words. Hatred allows us all to be tricked into not seeing
the brotherhood of man; it leads to closed-mindedness - closing one to
the healing powers of spiritual energy. To heal, one has to be
completely open to compassion, forgiveness and love; these have the
right effect on our body, mind, spirit and surroundings. People hate
because they do not love. A loving heart has no place for hate,
bitterness and malice. Love is an attitude of mind that will never allow
it to be bitter, and which will never seek anything but the highest
good of others - no matter what is the attitude of others.
It
is also said in psychiatry that love is the thesis, hate the
antithesis; and most people die caught in the struggle and conflict
between the two. They are never able to see that there is a subtle
connect between love and hate; they are not two energies but only an
energy having two polarities. They are just like the negative and
positive in electricity - though electricity all the same. Hate is also a
kind of love... standing upside down. You may forget your friend, but
you cannot forget your enemy; the enemy haunts you more than the friend.
You think more of destroying the enemy than helping the friend. Hate
always goes deep; it cannot remain superficial. The man who is working
for enlightenment has to find a bridge between the dualities, because
without finding the bridge he cannot transcend them. And the bridge is
there; it has only to be discovered. Love can become hate, and vice
versa; they are capable of transforming into each other. They cannot be
different energies; they are just different situations - states or poles
of the same energy.
The
destructive effects of hatred are very visible, very obvious and
immediate. For example, when a strong or forceful negative thought
arises, at that very instant it overwhelms one totally and destroys
one’s peace and presence of mind. When that hateful thought is harbored
inside, it makes one feel tense and can even cause a loss of appetite,
leading to loss of sleep. Hateful thoughts arise in us when we feel
hurt, or feel that we have been unfairly treated by someone. At that
instant, there is a sense that it comes as a shield or protector, as a
friend that would help our battle - in taking revenge against the person
who has inflicted harm on us. In reality that is an illusion; it is a
very delusory state of mind. New research has uncovered reasons why
some people seem to dislike everything, while others seem to like
everything. Apparently, it is all part of our individual personality - a
dimension that researchers have coined as ‘dispositional attitude’.
People with a positive dispositional attitude have a strong tendency to
like things. The dispositional attitude construct represents a new
perspective, in which attitudes are not simply a function of the
properties of the stimuli under consideration, but are also a function
of the properties of the evaluator. Some people may simply be more prone
to focusing on positive features. People with a generally positive
dispositional attitude are more open. An attitude is not simply a function of an object’s properties, but also of the individual who evaluates the object.
Hatred
brings about a very ugly, unpleasant physical transformation of the
individual. In addition, when such intense hatred arises, it makes the
best part of our brain, which has the ability to judge between right and
wrong and assess long-term and short-term consequences, totally
inoperable. It seems almost as if the person has become crazy. When we
think about these negative and destructive effects of hatred, we realize
that it is necessary to distance ourselves from such emotional
explosions. We cannot get protection from wealth; nor can education, or
even the law, guarantee any protection. Only the practice of tolerance
and patience can give refuge or protection from the destructive effects
of hatred. While anger and hatred do not show up on an X-Ray, the damage
they do to our health sometimes shows up.
Help yourself be healthy - avoid hate.
Train yourselves to react in a positive manner. Work on your beliefs,
to produce positive patterns. While we may never completely eliminate
the negative feelings from our lives, we can work on converting them
into positive energy. We are not made of different stuff from the
people we might choose to scorn or hate. To be proud of ourselves while
devaluing others is simply self-deception. If we have some special
talent or particular virtue, we have it for a purpose – it must benefit
the world.
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