Let your Tears flow

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Apr 25, 2014

 

Last week I lost my father-in-law. He was 87 and hale and hearty to the end - attending to his daily chores and business with zeal and zest. It started with a stomach infection and all was over within six days. The family members mourned his departure and some of them wept bitterly. One of his daughters in law was inconsolable, as she had spent many years looking after him with great concern and care. He was the centre of attraction for the whole family and a real connect between the young and the elderly - filling well the inter-generational gap. The most painful thought was that his home at Ghaziabad, where he breathed his last, would no more remain a meeting place for the family members representing three generations. When we grieve we weep, and long for the return of the person we have lost. That cannot, and does not happen - however strong our longing. Loss is an affliction that cannot be undone. It is very painful. I have felt the grief in a very physical way - with mood swings, a low feeling, and nothing seeming good. In the process of grieving I once again realized that the overflowing of tears in moments of sadness, grief, anxiety and pain is a unique phenomenon.   

For over twenty years as a psychotherapist, and in the field of counseling, I have witnessed, time and again, the healing power of tears. Tears are our body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety and frustration. I am grateful when I can cry. It feels like a cleansing, a way to purge pent up emotions, so they do not lodge in my body as stress symptoms such as fatigue or pain. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength and authenticity. Like the ocean, tears are made up of salt water. They protectively lubricate our eyes, remove irritants and reduce stress hormones. They contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: Reflex, Continuous, and Emotional. Each kind has different healing roles. Reflex Tears allow our eyes to clear out noxious particles when they are irritated by smoke or exhaust. Continuous Tears are produced regularly, to keep our eyes lubricated; these contain a chemical called ‘lysozyme’, which functions as an anti-bacterial and protects our eyes from infection. Tears also travel to the nose through the tear duct, to keep the nose moist and bacteria free. Typically, after crying, our breathing and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state. Emotional Tears have special health benefits. Emotionally induced tears have a higher protein content than tears produced in response to eye irritation, such as that caused by a cut onion. Tear experts have discovered that Reflex Tears are 98% water, whereas Emotional Tears also contain stress hormones and some toxins, which get excreted from the body through crying. Crying is an exocrine process, a process by which a (toxic) substance comes out of the body – like in exhaling and sweating. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural painkiller and ‘feel-good’ hormones. Interestingly, humans are the only creatures known to shed Emotional Tears - though it is possible that that elephants and gorillas do too. Other mammals and also salt-water crocodiles produce Reflex Tears, which are protective and lubricating.

Crying makes people feel better, even when a problem persists. In addition to physical detoxification, Emotional Tears heal the heart. People sometimes say, “Please excuse me for crying. I was trying hard not to. It makes me feel weak.” My heart goes out to them when I hear this. I know where that sentiment comes from: parents who were uncomfortable around tears, a society that tells us we are weak for crying; and that ‘strong men do not cry’. The new enlightened paradigm of what constitutes a powerful man and woman is someone who has the strength and self-awareness to cry. These are the people who should impress, not those who put up some macho front of faux-bravado. It is good to cry. It is healthy to cry. It helps to emotionally clear our sadness and stress. Crying is also essential to resolve grief, when waves of tears periodically come over us after we experience a loss. Tears help us process the loss so that we can keep on living with open hearts. If we suppress these potent feelings. we are setting ourselves up for depression. When my patients courageously heal their depression or other difficult emotions with tears, I feel better. I am happy for their breakthrough. Some modern therapy movements such as Re-evaluation Counselling teach that crying is beneficial to health and mental well-being, encouraging it positively.

When we suffer a loss it reminds us of the truth of our existential situation. The acceptance of the noble reality of our passion, through tears, can be a great cleansing - a catharsis that helps us to make something of our life. Such is the making of character. Certain rituals in our religions require us to be in touch with our affliction, to allow the passion of grief to rise in us, and to contain that passion while we care for others and collectively honour the realities of human life through catharsis and community support. They affirm our sense of common purpose of compassion for one another and for the world at large; they are, if properly employed, a reaffirmation of the meaning and mystery of life. No one can find heaven until he/she has walked the path of tears. Weeping, like laughter, is good for the soul. Let tears soak into our hearts; let us not try to force them back. Allow them to fall - naturally; they leave behind more wisdom and a calmness of mind and heart. 

Let us step back a moment and familiarise ourselves a little with the eye. Although the eyes appear to be exposed, they are actually protected in a number of ways. The eye sockets, in which the eyes rest, protect them from tactile harm; the eyebrows protect the eyes against possible dripping sweat; the eyelids close over the eye when faced with any potential harm; and tears flush the surface of the eye hundreds of times each day, expelling dirt and creating a flow of lubricants - including substances that fight infection. Tear fluid is comprised of three different layers: the innermost layer is the thinnest and contains a substance called mucin, which helps the watery layer of the tear spread evenly over the surface of the eye; the middle layer is the thickest and largest -its function is to keep the eye moist, remove dust and foreign particles from it and help the eye feel comfortable; the outermost layer is comprised of oils, whose main function is to reduce evaporation of the tears’ watery layer. Thus, the tear fluid remains in the eye for a longer period of time, functioning as an efficient lubricant to keep the eye moist. Additional components of the tear fluid contain anti-bacterial substances, which fight bacteria and other contaminants that could infiltrate the eye.

To gain a better understanding of the role crying plays in human life, several hundred emotionally healthy volunteers were asked to keep a complete record of any tears they shed over the course of a month. As might be predicted, the women in the study reported crying on an average five times more often than the men - five times a month versus approximately once a month. Further, a much higher percentage of men (than women) did not cry at all in the course of the month. Forty-five percent of the men, but only 6 percent of the women, shed no Emotional Tears. There was also a wide range in the crying frequency. Some women did not cry at all and other women cried nearly every day. 'More women reported feeling a lump in their throat when they cried. Women’s tears flowed copiously in about half their crying episodes, but in only 29 percent of the male episodes did tears actually flow. In the rest, the eyes welled up, but tears were not shed. 

 

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with Autism, Cerebral Palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 25 years. He can be contacted at rabhola@yahoo.com