Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Apr 19, 2013
India
Apr 19, 2013
Today very few of the
elderly in our localities get to enjoy the company of children. This
simple interaction not only helps extend family ties over generations,
but also helps reduce the loneliness of the aged. I often reminisce
about my childhood days at Chandigarh. Ladies, children and grand
parents would spend their evenings together, while strolling in the
neighbourhood parks. This also offered a platform for the sharing of
family news and concerns; almost everybody knew about the ‘goings-on’ in
each house. Whenever needed, the whole locality would stand up as one
family.
Nowadays,
children are often moved from place to place, and lose close contact
with the extended family - of grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and
long-time neighbours. It is important for us to cultivate a sense of
belonging in our families; and ensure that whatever may change outside
our homes, some fundamental aspects of our relationships would never
change. We should encourage our children to know their relatives; in
fact talk of them, make an effort to correspond with them, visit them -
and join extended family get-togethers. Extending our family is
really just a matter of extending our love. The more love we extend, the
fuller our life will be - of the things that matter most. Remembering
milestones of extended family members is one way to bridge the distance
that separates some loved ones today. We should also look around us at
the people in our localities who brighten our lives, and whose lives we
can brighten. A truly extended family can be created through acts of
kindness and service.
Making
their extended family an important part of their lives is, for some
grandparents, one of the great joys of growing old. They look forward to
the visits of their grandchildren, and watch over them very
attentively, besides showering them with their affection. Such
involvement provides a rich opportunity for them to share a lifetime of
their accumulated knowledge and wisdom. Keeping the generations close not only delivers emotional rewards, but also provides a valuable added perspective.
Sometimes we may need to go the extra mile. An
ill-humoured aunt or uncle, a critical grandmother or an overbearing
cousin may require extra portions of love. In such cases, we must
develop the ability and self-discipline to think of their needs ahead of
our own. But even when extended family members live relatively close
by, there is no escaping the fact that families today do live more
privately. While some extended families still give each other day-to-day
assistance with shopping, child care and household tasks, more often
now each branch of the family wants independence.
Like
significant rites of passage at every stage of life, becoming a
grandparent presents an exciting opportunity to grow and change, and to
experience a very special relationship. Many grandparents enjoy the
sheer pleasure of being able to spend time with their grandchildren,
without being burdened by the responsibilities of being a parent. Many
of today’s grandparents are ‘young’, and have active working and social
lives of their own. Nevertheless, becoming a grandparent provides a
direct link to a whole new world, and the opportunity to stay in touch
with another generation - and new ideas. Grandparents can find out
first hand about current childcare methods, new toys and games, books,
children’s interests and hobbies, education and popular music. Yes, the
experience can be very rewarding. Grandchildren can give grandparents a
sense of continuity and reassurance. This gives their life an added
meaning and purpose, giving them a renewed confidence in their
usefulness and value. It even gives them a ‘second chance’.
Grandparents can try and do better at some of the things they felt less
happy about as parents; and of course they can repeat, or strengthen,
what they did well the first time round. In terms of relationships, they
can not only form new ones, but also repair and rework some old ones –
even with their own children. Developing extended relationships is
character-building: it gives us the bliss of love, companionship and
togetherness; and provides families a rich inter-generational
experience.
Dr. Rajesh Bhola
is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause
of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and
multiple disabilities for more than 20 years.
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