The Joy of Solitude

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
May 02, 2014

 

When I ask myself where I am as a human being, there are just as many reasons for being happy as for being sorrowful. Many of the ‘struggles’ from decades past are still very much alive. I am still searching for inner peace, for creative relationships with others and for the experience of some higher force. As human beings we take up many ‘movements’: ‘inward’, in deeper relationship with our true selves; ‘outward’, in loving relationship with others; and ‘upward’, in prayerful connection with the higher force. Each of these generates tension, as we move back and forth on a continuum. We do not always feel the same sense of connection to ourselves, to others or to the higher force. We all have a natural instinct towards connection, towards relationships - and we feel a lacking, a discomfort, if that need is not met. Today technological advances allow us to carry a complete entertainment system in our pocket. Modern culture has become most sophisticated in the avoidance of pain - not only our physical pain but our mental and emotional pain as well. We have become so used to this state of anesthesia, that we panic when there is nothing or nobody left to distract us. When we have no project to finish, no friend to visit, no book to read, no television to watch or no record to play, and when we are left all alone to ourselves, we become so afraid of experiencing an all-pervasive sense of loneliness that we will do anything to get busy again - and continue the game that makes us believe that everything is fine after all. Loneliness is not something we like to talk about, or think about. However, we also need to learn how to be alone with ourselves, to accept and love ourselves – to look upon ourselves with soft eyes. Hopefully our experiences of loneliness will give us a glimpse of the importance of solitude. Solitude enables us to look at the inward dynamics - our relationship with our true selves. In solitude we get rid of our scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain and no books to distract. There is just us – probably vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived and broken. It is this that we have to face in our solitude - nothingness so dreadful that everything in us wants to run to our friends, our work and our distractions, to make ourselves believe that we are worth something. As soon as we decide to stay in our solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies and weird associations jump about in our minds. Anger and greed begin to show their ugly faces. We give long, hostile speeches to our enemies and dream lustful dreams in which we are wealthy, influential and very attractive – or poor, ugly and in need of immediate consolation. We try to run from the dark abyss of our nothingness to restore our false self in all its vainglory. However, we can use silence and solitude to grow closer to our self, by paying attention to what is stirring inside the soul. We can notice the feelings of desperation and desire that we experience at various times. Instead of trying to suppress or run from those feelings, we need to incorporate silence and solitude into our regular life. Choose a time and place to get away from life as usual and spend at least 10 minutes in silence - alone. Choose a physical position that will enable you to stay alert yet worshipful, and say a simple prayer . Take a walk on a nature trail or sit beside a lake or at a quiet spot in a park - or even in backyard of your home. Even a secluded chair inside your house may work, as long as all your communication and media devices are turned off. Overcome any resistance. Do not let anything distract you. If you are anxious or afraid, admit it and ask Him to comfort you. Seek rest for the body, mind and soul. Pray for the wisdom to recognise when you have become dangerously tired – exhausted by life’s demands; to the point where you cannot even hear His voice speaking to you. Take deep breaths and let peace fill your body. Let go of concerns that your mind is trying to hold onto, by opening yourself to the revelation that comes from beyond your mind – which only your spirit can hear. Face yourself as you really are. 

Solitude is a spiritual discipline. It takes discipline and effort to ensure that we are not disturbed. Solitude forces us to face everything in our lives head on – it is an internal confrontation. We are then able to see clearly, through a full perspective, what is of importance in our lives. 

The movement from loneliness to solitude involves accepting a degree of separateness and aloneness. It also involves the idea that each person is unique and carries with him a certain mystery - there is no one just like him. If we are uncomfortable, or unwilling to be alone with ourselves, then we may never actually discover who we really are. We may never see ourselves the way our higher self sees us. If we never come to know ourselves, we may continue to crave the distractions of the world, which help us to avoid feeling the loneliness we fear. We may also fall into the pattern of using the people in our lives as a part of our distraction strategy. Instead of running away from our loneliness and trying to forget or deny it, we have to protect it and turn it into fruitful solitude. To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only courage but also a strong faith. As hard as it is to believe that the dry desolate desert can yield endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that in our loneliness is hiding unknown beauty. The movement from loneliness to solitude is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play. We should seek to simplify our existence, to cut down on our wants and to diminish our cares, so that more time and energy may be found for divinely lived solitude. Men have become so steeped in material living, in the struggle to earn a livelihood, and in the distracting environment of big cities like Gurgaon (in which they find themselves forced to live), that in the past two decades they have become more and more obsessed by their material bodies. Work, living conditions and pleasures have become so definitely material that relaxation in a spiritual sense has become an exception. It is important to escape regularly into the quiet solitude of Nature. Surrender yourself to the impressions that come to you from the new environment. If you are looking for guidance on any particular problem, you will find it there more easily. It is great virtue to evolve as a human being who can live in solitude and can practice silence. 

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with Autism, Cerebral Palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 25 years. He can be contacted at rabhola@yahoo.com