Learning to Live with Problems

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Jan 10, 2014

It is difficult for us to accept life as it is – or as it comes. We tend to avoid some ‘uncomfortable’ periods or events, though they are probably the very elements that make life great. We also have different standards – for ourselves versus others. When we see a person who has accepted adversity and is living ‘positively’ - without resorting to escapism - we cannot help but feel inspired. Yet, when faced with adversity, we easily succumb to self-pity. Any trouble or pain is not a problem by itself; it exists in relation to some purpose in our life. If we wish to live a truly noble life, the best way is to live it just as it is. If we instead wish to pursue just pleasures, then any affliction, pain or obstacle is going to be seen as a big problem. Resultantly, we will feel easily stressed. 

   Fundamentally, we all want to live lives that we can feel good about. We accumulate wealth, status, power, pleasures and a horde of other possessions as a means to this end; but then, at some point, we start treating all these possessions as the end in itself. We believe they would take care of all our problems; we even unrealistically begin to long for a problem-free existence. One of my friends is a psychiatrist at the Civil Hospital, Gurgaon. He shares with me that the number of patients who are pretending insanity has grown manifold; people are finding easy excuses for declaring themselves insane - they believe that an insane person, living a ‘meaningless’ life, would have no problems! It is unwise to wish for the end of all problems; in fact sometimes it is good to know that we are not alone in our problems. Difficulty and challenge are pretty much universal in this world, but it is the shared experience and wisdom of others that can make a real difference. A golden rule in the ‘solving of problems in life’ is to ask for help. It is an often-neglected aspect of dealing with problems. In fact the old saying that no one is an island is quite true. We are all related, both socially and spiritually. It feels good when we are exploring avenues for support.

   At times problems depress us; at other times they make us feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with feeling depressed, as long as we do not try to deny what we are feeling. Problems also provide us an opportunity to explore new horizons and relations. We have to be aware that something needs to change. Any really significant change begins with the acceptance of one’s situation. This is because the alternative, of denial, locks one into a rigid stance. It precludes the clarity and warmth required to solve the problem at hand. We first need to own up to our unhappiness and not try to blame someone or something for our problems - even if we are not the main cause. The best attitude is to accept full responsibility for initiating (and then sustaining) actions to make things better. We are in charge of our lives as also the quality of our relationships. Sometimes the needed changes can hurt, but it better to fix things up soon, rather than let them aggravate. It is good to have some goal or direction in mind. Without a goal, it is too easy to get side-tracked by the constant bombardment of conflicting events and circumstances that we all must deal with in life. Finding some cause to really believe in can be an enormous help in this. The best antidote to problems is to have a light-hearted manner, and the ability to laugh – at oneself. If we can laugh about the folly and misery in our own lives, we probably have ‘created’ enough emotional distance, to be able to effectively do something about it. If we are too wound up about our problems, we probably cannot see clearly enough to find our way out. 

   While encountering problems we must open our hearts, and be receptive and caring - for ourselves and for all those around us. This opening up defines an attitude, which says that all of life is precious and worthy of support and respect - and that if any of us are in a bad way or have made some mistakes, it is not because we are somehow inherently bad or at fault, but that we have not yet had the chance to learn how to get things right with our lives. Life on this earth is also a spiritual journey, if only we will let it be so. The underlying core of experience should be that of spiritual wholeness - it should be alive, vibrant and caring. We all deserve to live life our own way. It is our birthright and nothing and no one can take it away from us. Life might bury us for a while with lots of bad experiences and problems but, at the end, the fundamental goodness that is our essence will reassert itself - as it was intended to. This is a cosmic law. The universe is growing towards higher, more evolved and harmonious levels of experience. The best thing we can do is to heal and support our own energy – within this cosmic energy. 

   Goal setting is a really important tool to help us ride through the rough patches. If we can see past our immediate difficulties, we have changed the way we relate to problems. We can then feel that we are basically in control of our own destiny and are not just victims of circumstance. By its very nature, life will offer us plenty of crossroads and blind alleys to explore. Having defined a goal, we can safely continue our journey when presented with such unwanted detours. Every day we solve a vast number of little, and some big, problems. This is how we gain satisfaction and it is how our lives are brought to some maturity. The key is to focus on the facts. It is better to forget about ‘why’, and concentrate on ‘how’ can I make this better. We must not expect our path to be free from problems – without them, the fire of our enlightenment will go out. We must find our liberation from within our problems.

Life is a journey through a forest. We should not give up the journey because we feel the forest is endless; we may end up at another forest, having to deal with the same or similar problems. This is the metaphysical law of births and rebirths. 

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 25 years. He can be contacted at rabhola@yahoo.com