Learning from Ordinary Lives

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
May 04, 2012

Last week, Raghu, a man living in the neighboring town of Sohna told me of the terrible burdens he was labouring under. His wife had died ten years earlier, leaving behind Vijay, a child who was spastic. Not only that, his second child, Jyoti, developed a degenerative physical disease – leaving her confined to a wheel chair for the remaining part of her life. Fate cannot be bargained with. He felt exhausted. He had given up his business, to dedicate himself to his children. In consequence he was now impoverished, to a level that this year he was unable even to deposit Rupees five hundred, for the renewal of the annual health insurance of his children.

This man was at his wit’s end. His afflictions were real enough. Though, objectively, the situation had been just as bad for many years after the death of his wife, he had never felt so helpless. He had been hopeful that the children would get better and lead normal lives. He had held on to the belief that ‘the situation’ would change at a certain date – and he would then be ‘free’. Now it was becoming rapidly obvious that fate was not going to keep its side of the bargain. 

A similar kind of thinking often occurs in the minds of parents of such special children. They think: If I am good, this should not have happened to me. If God is good, and God has made this world, why did he make it so full of suffering? Why do these special children suffer? We are believers in God; we may well ask, ‘does he not care’? The planet on which we live is beautiful,  a kind of paradise; yet in the midst of the most amazing blessings, sorrow falls like an unexpected hailstorm – or like a winter of unexpected severity. Nor is it just the moment of injury that  hurts. The pain goes on. The mother, who is told by the doctor that the child born to her is afflicted with cerebral palsy, and may not be able to walk or even sit throughout his life, may lead a life of suffering. No religion seems to have the ‘right’ answer to the question of suffering. At times, the guardians of these children despair, and lose faith.  Actually, it is this moment of despair when we have the greatest opportunity for real enlightenment. This is the moment when reality breaks through our self-deception, and gives all of us a chance to enter the real world. The struggle of the human heart is addressed only when we learn acceptance, and start living meaningfully for others in this afflicted world. υ

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 20 years.