Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Jun 28, 2013
India
Jun 28, 2013
Flaunting wealth has
become as important as owning it. One of the most pervasive ways by
which we have exaggerated class distinction is through our purchases. In
our materialistic society, possessions are increasingly functioning as
symbols of success. However, conspicuous consumption does more than
divide people; it has been found to change our brain chemistry. In fact,
the shopping urge seems to release dopamine, a neurotransmitter that
regulates the levels of pleasure and reward in the brain. Dopamine
release is also associated with highly addictive drugs, such as cocaine
and methamphetamine. So, for many people, spending sprees are producing a
‘high’ that can be powerfully addictive. Although goods have served as
class markers in most societies in the world, in India conspicuous
consumption has become a powerful social force. Accumulating possessions
has become a central aspect of our lives. However, we do have the power
to change our behaviour, and free ourselves from the desire to blindly
consume.
As
we accumulate objects, we accumulate being. Our prized possessions
demonstrate our struggle for recognition. We believe that these objects
offer proof of our being, and provide us security. However, no one has
been able to buy his way to happiness by accumulating more.
One of my very close friends lost his mother a few days ago.
It was an incredibly difficult time for him. He lives in America and,
after she passed away, it was his responsibility to have her house
vacated. When he opened the cupboards he found that they were packed
wall to wall with her belongings. There was 68 years of accumulation in the cabinets.
My
friend was burdened with the emotional cost of each item. At first he
did not want to let go of anything. However, soon overcome, he realized
that his effort to retain all her belongings was futile. She surely could just live on in his memory. He started donating all the items, to places and people who could actually use them.
Of course it was difficult for him to let go. Both of us realized quite a few things about the relationship between memories and possessions.
We are more than our possessions; our memories are not in our
cupboards; an item that is sentimental for us can be an item that is
useful for someone else; holding on to belongings weighs on us mentally
and emotionally; letting go is ‘freeing’. My friend has traces of her
anyway - in the way he acts, the way he treats others, and even in the
way he smiles.
Letting go reminds me also of a foreigner friend who shared some very good moments with me in my college days.
One day this friend asked himself some questions: “Is all this material
stuff really what life is all about? What if I were to get rid of it
all and concentrate on what truly makes me happy? Can I lighten the
burden of my possessions? If I concentrate on things that truly matter,
wouldn’t my goals be that much closer”? He took early retirement, which
was being offered at his workplace. He took that first step and later
told me: “I had to first get rid of my stuff. The purge began. I began
emptying out storerooms and storage closets. It was hard at first. I
found myself attached to some things only because I’d had them so long.
Out they all went. It soon started to feel good”. He kept just enough
to fit in his car, including a few ‘sentimental’ items, He expected it
to be scary, but in fact it was liberating. He had broken the bonds that shackled his flexibility and kept him from living the life he had imagined. He was free.
There
is a great Zen proverb that says: “In the end, these things matter
most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you
let go?” My friend took this wisdom to heart. Without all the noise and distractions of the clutter in his life, he
felt that he would be able to concentrate on relationships with people –
rather than things. It would be a simple life committed to living well.
He could, over time, learn to let go - not only of physical things, but
also past hurts and the frustration of dealing with things he could not
change. Now he simply moves around to any place that he thinks of visiting - he has nothing tying him down. He
feels busier than ever, but from doing things he loves. Entertainment
comes from relationships and hobbies, not from an idiot box on the wall.
He has time to be a friend, and gives of himself to those in need.
People may feel that this friend of mine is crazy, but we all should
remember that time is ultimately our most precious asset. There is
freedom that comes from living a life of authenticity, and peace of mind
that comes from knowing we are not tethered to our things - which if we
do not leave, share and give with our own hands, will anyway be given
away one day.
In
the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught his disciples not to accumulate
wealth. He told them: ‘Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on the
earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break in and
steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth
nor rust consumes, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For
where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.’
Dr. Rajesh Bhola
is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause
of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and
multiple disabilities for more than 20 years
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