Ideal Chatter

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Nov 15, 2013

   If we cannot control our mouth, we can hardly control our mind. This is why the right communication is so important in our day-to-day life. Before we speak, we must focus on why we would want to; and when we speak, we must do so in a way that is trustworthy, harmonious and comforting. When we make a practice of such right speech, our words become a gift to others. Words have the power to uplift us or to cast us downwards - to liberate us or to entrap us. They can help create friendships or make enemies. When young, we constantly feel challenged on whether we should speak loudly or quietly, fast or slow; when should we speak and when should we be silent. We learn how to communicate through hits and misses, but in the process we start creating a style that will define our personality and shape our life. A few days ago I met an old classmate, who had shared a dormitory with me in the hostel. He was surprised to see me talking to children and their parents the whole day. At college I would speak so little. I preferred silence.

   Most of the fights amongst people start with a few ugly words; and this is true at the large international level as well. If humanity learns the art of right speech, paradise may yet descend on earth. We should never underestimate the power of words. A few properly chosen words, spoken or sung, can even change history. ‘The Horst’ song fuelled the dictatorship of Nazi Germany; ‘We Shall Overcome’ unified the Civil Rights movement; the songs of the Beatles helped create an entire counterculture; ‘La Marseillaise’ inflamed mobs during the French Revolution; Lincoln, through his Gettysburg Address, inspired the citizens to continue giving their last full measure of devotion. But all these words, powerful as they were, could not solve the real problems of our existence. And with time, the impact of these songs and pronouncements faded - people forgot. The inexorable problems of life in the material world continued unabated. To solve these problems we need to hear and vibrate the words that are supra-mundane, words that can inspire us at the deepest spiritual level. Such words do exist, and they are described in Indian scriptures as the absolute truth - in the form of words or sound. For thousands of years the sacred texts of all the religions have taught that we can extricate ourselves from the bonds of material life by hearing and chanting various transcendental sounds. The common, unenlightened person is in a sleeplike state, oblivious of his real nature as a spiritual being and of his relationship to the Supreme Being. According to the Indian scriptures, such words can awaken us from our materialistic slumber. Many such mantras are prescribed by various religions across the world. 

   The effects of speech are not as immediately evident as those of bodily action, and so its importance and potential is easily overlooked. But a little reflection will show that speech, and its offshoot, the written word, can have enormous consequences for good or harm. The ill effects are more known; however, the right speech can provide wisdom, heal divisions and create peace. In the modern age, the positive and negative potentials of speech have been vastly multiplied by the tremendous increase in the means, speed and range of communications. The capacity for expression, oral and written, has been regarded as the distinguishing characteristic of the human species. We therefore need to use this capacity as the means to human excellence, rather than let it be seen, as if often the case, as the sign of human degradation.

   In speech we often use slanderous language; it is intended to create enmity and division and to alienate one person or group from another. The motive behind such speech is generally aversion, or maybe the resentment of a rival’s success or virtues, with the intention to tear down the other person(s) through verbal denigration. Other motives may enter the picture as well: the cruel intention of causing hurt to others, the evil desire to win affection for oneself, the perverse delight in seeing friends divided. Slanderous speech is one of the most serious moral transgressions. Harsh speech is speech uttered in anger, intended to cause the hearer pain. Such speech can assume different forms. One is abusive speech: scolding, reviling or reproving another person angrily, with bitter words; the second is insult: hurting another by ascribing to him some offensive quality, which detracts from his dignity; a third is sarcasm: speaking to someone in a way that ostensibly lauds him, but with such a tone or twist of phrasing that the ironic intent becomes clear and causes pain. Harsh speech is an unwholesome action, with disagreeable results for oneself and other - so it has to be restrained. 

   The opposite of slander is speech that promotes friendship and harmony. Such speech originates from a mind of loving-kindness and sympathy. It wins the trust and affection of others, who feel they can confide in that person, without fear that their disclosures will be used against them. The ideal antidote is patience, and learning to tolerate blame and criticism from others; learning to sympathize with their shortcomings, to respect differences in viewpoint and to endure abuse without feeling compelled to retaliate. An enlightened being abstains from harsh language. He/she speaks such words as are gentle, soothing to the ear and loving. The enlightened call for patience even under the most trying conditions; undisturbed shall our mind remain, with heart full of love and free from any hidden malice. An enlightened person avoids idle chatter and abstains from it. He speaks at the right time, in accordance with facts, speaks what is useful, speaks true and with discipline; his/her speech is like a treasure, uttered at the right moment, moderate and sensible. Idle chatter, on the other hand, only stirs up the defilements in one’s own mind and in others. And today idle chatter is constantly bombarding us through a wide range of media, accessed through an incredible array of devices. This media churns out a stream of needless information and distracting entertainment, the net effect of which is to leave the mind passive, vacant and sterile. All these developments, naively accepted as progress, threaten to blunt our aesthetic and spiritual sensitivities and deafen us to the higher call of the contemplative life. Serious aspirants on the path to liberation have to be extremely discerning in what they allow themselves to be exposed to. 

   Many of the problems that we are suffering today, have originated from our wrong speech. We rarely have to repent for what we did not say. If we really want that our words should have value, we must learn to be silent inside; that is what meditation is all about. Right speech comes out of this silence. Most original ideas are born out of silent moments. Zen masters call this a state of ‘thoughtless awareness’. 

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 25 years. He can be contacted at rabhola@yahoo.com